Always
by white pedal
Summary: Snape's thoughts about Harry and his bittersweet feelings towards the boy who is the son of teh woman he loved and the man who he despises.


_I recently got back into Harry Potter, and I remembered the scene where Snape died and his memories revealed his feelings for Harry's mother Lily. I was terribly hear breaking that I decided to write this._

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Harry Potter.

When I look at him I am constantly reminded of that horrible night. When Voldemort went into the Potters home, I ran there as quickly as I could to their estate. I entered the house and everything was dark, but I knew Voldemort was there.

I went up the stairs and there laid James Potter dead. I always warned James in our school days that one day his blind pride and arrogance will cost him dearly. I was right, he tried to fight Voldemort thinking he would be able to protect his wife and son, he knew very well that no one could stand against the dark Lord and he ended up dying in vain.

I went up the stairs hoping that Lily survived. But when I went into the nursery, I saw her lifeless body laying on the ground. Her beautiful green eyes, that were once full of warmth and purity, were lifeless.

He got her. He got my Lily.

I held her body close to me. I lost the woman who I knew since childhood, who I told my deepest and darkest secrets to, the one who I loved with every fiber of my being.

She was gone forever.

For years my resentment for Voldemort escalated. I worked for him and gave him my loyalty, when he went after Lily and her family I was torn between my loyalty to Voldemort and my feelings for Lily.

When he killed her that night, I wanted him obliterated and turned against him. But I was still furious with Dumbledore for his broken promise to my plea to keep her family safe. I begged him and he failed. Regardless I wanted Voldemort destroyed, not for the sake of Hogwarts. But to avenge Lily's undeserved death.

When Potter came to Hogwarts it was painful for me to look at him, or tolerate him none the less. He got into trouble and caused mischief like his swine father did in our youth, his arrogance even overcame his fathers and I didn't know it was possible.

When I stop and look at him more carefully however. I saw his eyes.

Those eyes that held warmth and purity and reminded me so much of her. I immediately forgotten about James.

When I look in his eyes, I saw Lily, I remembered...that he was Lily's boy.

Everyday I still grieve for her death. But when I see Potter's eyes, that belong to her, it made my clouded world a lot brighter. I always see Lily when I look into his eyes, like she is still here.

But she was within him.

I vowed since that terrible night to protect the boy at all costs from Voldemort's wrath. Half the time the boy makes me want to turn him into a frog, but the other half...I want to protect him.

I still wonder till this day why Lily didn't choose me. What did James have that I didn't? He was a absolute embarrassment to the school and he never cared about his studies, while I was hard at work to become the top student at Hogwarts.

That is makes everything else so painful. Not only did Lily choose James, she choose him to have a child with together.

I swear though that I will protect him. Lily loves him more than anything else, she died for him and I will not let her death be for nothing, regardless of my bitter feelings towards James Potter.

Over the years, I felt as if Potter was my own son. Though I can't say I am the best father figure to the boy, my mother and father were not exactly the best parents any child would have. My father was a brute muggle who blamed my mother for his unhappiness, not once did he try to be her husband or be my father. I tried my best though, I was the disciplinary to Potter to keep him in line. And in secret his guide.

I must say, he grew up to be a upstanding young man. He is stubborn though, but he had the determination to fight back against the dark lord. He never gave up, I admired the boy for that.

His determination was the only good trait James gave the boy.

He makes up for his fathers flaws with his mothers eyes and the fact he stood up for his father like Lily did. Even till this day I think of James Potter as a swine.

I always wished things were different. If Lily was my wife, she might have lived, we could of had a family together.

But I loved her too much to get in the way of her happiness. She loved James and I let her go, but it broke my heart.

But having her son with her beautiful green eyes was more than enough.

Harry Potter. Not only is he the boy who lived, he was the strongest student I ever had.

I will continue to protect him till my last breath, for Lily's sake.

Always.

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_This is my first Harry Potter fic:) I hoped you all enjoy it:)_


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